August 8, 2024
The words we use and how we use them can significantly impact the effectiveness of our interactions with others. In a recent podcast, host Diane Sanders-Cepeda, DO, CMD, and guest Aya Caspi, a certified trainer with the Center for Nonviolent Communication, discussed how to speak and listen in ways that let others know they matter, even when you may not always agree with them.
Among the many valuable insights from the conversation:
- When we don’t speak our truth or when we stay silent and don’t show up to advocate for others, this contributes to distrust. It is important to realize that people can sense when we’re being inauthentic and to avoid judgmental language that “shames and blames.” Building and nurturing trust from the start of interactions is essential, as re-establishing trust after it is lost can be challenging and time-consuming.
- People must know that their needs matter and that they are cared for. There’s a way to be both authentic and caring and bridge our relationships with people. Start by understanding that every judgment or expression of anger is a “tragic expression of an unmet need.”
- We can train ourselves to listen differently. Instead of listening to what people think, try to listen to what people feel and what they need behind their thoughts and words.
- We are not responsible for other people’s feelings, so we cannot make others angry or sad. However, we are responsible for how we contribute to the impact of our words on others. You can be honest, even when you have to share something unpleasant or difficult, if you are respectful and speak with care and authenticity.
- In all languages and cultures, the first question we often ask someone is, “How are you?” This is an expression of care about the other person’s well-being, which impacts us and our well-being as well. We are interdependent on others; their feelings and needs affect us. When you care for others, it also helps you care for yourself.
- Empathy is key to nonviolent communication, and that basically means connecting with and acknowledging the other person’s needs.
It’s very important to track our own capacity. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is focus on caring for ourselves. - It is important to understand the distinction between understanding and agreement. It is important to be able to listen and connect with others’ needs and understand their suffering. Understanding is a tremendous need for humans, and it’s key to trust.
- When people feel understood, heard, and respected, you can have effective interactions even when you don’t agree on everything.
Successful interpersonal communication is more important, and in some ways more challenging, than ever. As Dr. Sanders-Cepeda said, “Sometimes it feels lost in this age of digital care and social media, where some interactions are lost.”
Listen to the full podcast for many more insights from this important conversation.